The Studio Inferno/Transcript

(As the music plays, the cow starts to dance.)

Chum Chum: Are you sure this is the right place?

Fanboy: I can't wait to see Jason bust and take out that mutant cow!

(As the cow dances, he steps on his tail and falls.)

Kennth Applebottom: Cut!

(The cow takes off his hat, revealing the cow to be Jason Ruckus.)

Fanboy, Chum Chum, and Sheby: Jason Ruckus?!

Fanboy: Mr. Ruckus?

Jason Ruckus: If this is about that laser hair removal bill, I'm gonna pay it. Please, don't stop my dreams, I need my mascaping!

Fanboy: We just wanna take a picture.

Jason Ruckus: Oh.

Jason Ruckus: It's been a while since seen any fans, not since I'm ripped off by my agent, my lawer, my hair colorist. Everything went down hill after that. Everybody abandon me. Casandra herd the lost.

Fanboy: You're wife?

Jason Ruckus: No, my left damhound. I couldn't afford her anymore. She... she ran off. (sheds some tears)

Sheby: Ahem?

Fanboy: Would you mind doing one with my suitcase?

Director 1: Places, everyone!

Jason Ruckus: Sorry, guys, I gotta get back.

Fanboy: Uh, Mr. Ruckus, when is your next movie coming up?

Jason Ruckus: Don't you get it, kid? The movie business is done for me.

Kenneth Applebottom: Hey, cow guy, I'm not paying it to stand around yacking.

Chum Chum: This isn't right.

Sheby: If people knew what kind of Jason was, they'd give him the kind of role he diserves.

Fanboy: Hey, how about we show them?

(Scene shows the costumes.)

Chum Chum: I get it!

(Scene cuts to the set.)

Jason Ruckus: Have A Cow Yogurt is so good, it moo-ves me.

Kenneth Applebottom: No! Bigger, more emotion!

Chum Chum: (Italian accent) One-a large-a pizza with all of the toppings-a!

Kenneth Applebotoom: But I didn't order pizza.

(Kenneth opens the pizza, only to find a small TNT in it. Everyone freak out.)

Jason Ruckus: I've defused many pieces like this. Now which wire do I pull out? The red wire, or the blue wire?

Fanboy: Come on, Jason, you can do this!

Jason Ruckus: I think it was the red one.

(Jason pulls out the red wire and the pizza blows on Kenneth's face.)

Fanboy: Okay, plan B.

Jason Ruckus: I am so very sorry.

(Fanboy and Chum Chum appear dressed as Christmas ninjas and Jason dodges them and fights them off. Fanboy bumps into the udder on Jason's costume and Jason flies into Kenneth.)

Fanboy: Sheby, plan C.

Kenneth Applebottom: Get him off me!

(Sheby makes a howling sound on a tree.)

Female Director: Look, up there!

(Jason bounces on the mushroom into the tree and grabs Sheby.)

Jason Ruckus: I got ya, little fella, it's okay now.

Directors: Aw...

Kenneth Applebottom: This guy's amazing! We have to find a better part for him!

Fanboy and Chum Chum: (high-five each other) Yes!

(As Sheby licks Jason, they fall off the branch and the tree falls down.)

Kenneth Applebottom: Take this disaster off my set RIGHT NOW!!!

Fanboy and Chum Chum: Huh?!

Sheby: You can't do that! I mean, woof, woof, woof, woof.

Chum Chum: You can't fire him!

Fanboy: That's Jason Ruckus!

Kenneth Applebottom: Is that supposed to mean something to it?

Chum Chum: Are you serious? Jason Ruckus invented the Shaolin Nutcracker! Come on, Jason, show 'em!

(Fanboy, Chum Chum, and Sheby start sobbing.)

Chum Chum: Go ahead, walk away, quitter!

Kenneth Applebottom: And where do you think you're going? I still have a yogurt commercial to shoot.

(Scene cuts to Fanboy dressed as a cow, Chum Chum dressed as a southern girl, and Sheby dressed as a sheep.)

Chum Chum: Aw, great. The whole school's gonna see this. We'll be an even bigger joke than that second grader who thinks he's a robot.

(Flashback to a second grader dressed and acting like a robot. Flashback ends.)

Kenneth Applebottom: Action!

Fanboy: Have A Cow Yogurt is so good, it moo-ves me.

Kenneth Applebottom: Cut! Wrong! Let's do it again!

(The commercial restarts every time Fanboy does the acting wrong.)

Fanboy: (mouth full) Have A Cow Yogurt is so good, it moo-ves me. Have A Cow Yogurt is so- (chokes) Have A Cow Yogurt is so good, it moo-ves me. (He drops the spoon.) (His face turns green) It's so good, it moo-ves me!

Chum Chum: (in female southern voice) And a single serving provides a whole year's worth of calcium.

Fanboy: Wait, did you say calcium?